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 The Dumped dot com articles
How Men And Women Try To Trick Each
Other
By Scot McKay
What is the most infamous male stereotype
when it comes to dating? Certainly the one about men trying every trick in
the book to get a woman to sleep with him has to head the list. No need to
elaborate. There are plenty of web sites that I can refer all y’all
to (regardless of gender) if you want to see how that works. As we touched
upon in the last newsletter, there are plenty of “pick-up artists”
specializing in helping men tune up their trickery.
The truth is, however, that men
don’t necessarily have the market cornered when it comes to keeping
their intentions under the table. Women are quite capable of their fair share.
My belief is that the most common brand of dating trickery proffered by women
tends to fly under the radar a bit easier, however, and therefore is hardly
ever (if at all) called out. Since women are a bit more subtle about all
of this, I’m going to focus the majority of this newsletter on understanding
their side of the equation. After all, male trickery is altogether too
obvious…which continues to cause me sheer amazement at how often women
fall for it.
So what about the women? What do I
mean?
Here it is. Just like men try to trick
women into sleeping with them way too early in the relationship, women tend
to try to trick men into exclusive commitment way to early.
It’s absolutely true.
And a woman has the ability to equip
herself with a formidable set of tools when it comes to this stuff. Just
like a woman can find herself in a man’s bed and wonder how she got
there, a man can very easily find himself in an exclusive relationship he
may not have been ready for, and with a woman who may not even have been
his first choice!
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How does she do this? Here are some
examples of the tactics involved:
1) The Ultimatum
This is the most objective approach.
If a woman knows the man is interested, she will simply level an ultimatum.
This may happen as soon as the woman realizes the man wants her sexually.
In this case, the woman pulls every option off the table other than committing
to her or walking away. This is unfair, of course, because it plays on a
man’s physical attraction in order to drive emotional involvement.
2) Extended Planning
She’ll buy tickets for a concert
that’s a month away. She’ll invite him to join her for some killer
party that’s a few weeks (or months?) off. If she can get him to make
some financial “buy in” (e.g. ticket price, renting a tux, etc.)
then he’ll be more likely to stay around. In fact, the concept of commitment
based on financial involvement is a well-known marketing principle. Here,
as in so many facets of dating, sales tactics translate directly into
relationship strategy. Watch for a future newsletter (or how about a podcast?)
on that one.
3) Common Secondary Commitments
This is something like “Extended
Planning”, but with a subtle difference. Here we are talking about ongoing
partnerships rather than one-time events. She may sign them both up for six
weeks of salsa lessons. They may join a dinner party group with other couples
knowing that it would be a major embarrassment to have to sever ties in the
event of a breakup. If she’s really astute, she’ll buy them season
tickets for his favorite team…nice.
4) Marking Territory
As soon as a man invites a woman into
his private domain, he opens himself up to the female ritual of “territory
marking”. If she’s hanging out at his house and riding in his car,
bear in mind the possibility that she may be interested in staking her claim
to those places vis-à-vis other women in his life. Most of us know
about the “perfume on the pillow” trick, where a woman sprays her
perfume on a guy’s pillow so he can “think of her” when he’s
sleeping. But that’s just one of a myriad of ways that a woman can make
it improbable, if not impossible, that another woman would feel comfortable
in his home or car.
She can leave a change of clothes
on his dresser, just in case. She can change shoes in his car and
“accidentally” leave them behind the passenger’s seat in the
back. She can smear makeup in places he may not notice but another woman
would be sure to. She can brush her hair in the bathroom, all but making
sure strands of her hair land in places where other women might notice it.
And my all time favorite—she might “forget” and leave her
earrings on the end table in the living room (or some other place you’ll
never see until the next time guests are over).
Whatever happens, you can be sure
if it’s done right most guys will be potentially horrified to invite
other women over (although they shouldn’t be, which is the topic of
some other future newsletter).
5) Key Introductions
He is introduced to all of her friends.
He may even meet her parents, feeling like he’s suffered whiplash given
how sudden it was. She may even, if she’s mastered the tactic, proactively
seek to make friends with his friends. This is a particularly powerful approach
that, if successful, means she has all but inextricably woven herself into
his life. And if he ever tries to break up with her, imagine the effect of
his own friends calling him to tell him how wrong he is. Out of hand.
6) Gifts
She may buy a guy something nice.
Depending upon the limits of her personal resources, we may be talking about
something really nice. Guys famously tend to use this tactic on women, thinking
that they can buy their way into a woman’s heart. Well, when a guy does
something like this it generally backfires. Some women are creeped out by
it, some women refuse nice gifts seeing potential ulterior motives behind
them, and others simply take the gifts and offer only a “thank you”
in return.
The interesting part, however, is
that a woman who knows how men think with regard to this process can capitalize
upon it to drive commitment from a man. Think about it—a man attempts
to barrage a woman with gifts because he thinks it will help earn her affections.
Why does he think like this? Simple. Because it would work on him. If a woman
realizes this, she knows she has an angle with which she can get him to
commit.
The problem is that although gift-giving
works on a man, it’s not for the expected reason. Rather than driving
a warm-fuzzy nesting reflex, it just flat-out makes him feel guilty if he
dumps her after getting such cool stuff from her.
So what’s the common thread here?
Not surprisingly, the end result is likely to be the same for tricksters
of both the male and female persuasion. In either case, if the end goal is
reached it’s nothing more than an empty, Pyrrhic victory.
The moral to this story? Save the
tricks, be up-front, take things at a mutually-acceptable pace…and have
a symmetrical relationship based on depth rather than guilt or pressure.
About the author:
Copyright 2006 X & Y
Communications
Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a
dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications,
a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book
“Deserve What You Want”, and hosts the popular podcast series “X
& Y On The Fly”. He may be reached at scot *at* xandycommunications.net
or on the Web at
http://www.dating-advice.us/
and
http://www.romantic-dinner.com/
The podcast series is available free of charge at
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
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Dumped Articles
How To Deal When You've Been
Dumped
Everyone seems to have been through
a broken heart or two. With all the practice, you'd think breakups would
become easier to deal with. Alas, being dumped is one of the crummiest situations
we mere mortals have to surmount.
You've
Been Dumped Part 1
We've all been dumped or have been
the dumpee at once time in our relationship lifetimes. The following article
is a horror story depicting the importance of breaking free if it ever happens
to you.
You've
Been Dumped Part 2 (Continued)
You've patiently waited for it. Hear
it is Part 2 of heartache. Enjoy!
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Co-ownerships of fee simple interests in land.
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Most people take long time to forget
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Advice On How To Cope When Your Loved
One Leaves You
I am sure that we have all been through
the nightmare of been dumped by our boyfriend or girlfriend. At times it
is something that we were expecting, however more often than not it comes
as a big shock. In this situation it is very hard to take, and in this article
I give free tips on how to cope in this situation.
How Soon
Should You Begin Dating After Getting Dumped
This is a very common problem for many
of us. Getting dumped hurts a lot. But one wants to go back to good life
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Without a doubt, one of the most traumatic and heartbreaking moments
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Breaking up is never the easiest thing
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you? Read on to discover seven signs that indicate your partner may be
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Housewives + Sex in the City= Edutainment TV Today
How many years of dating, being dumped,
sleeping around, and generally degrading yourself does it take to get a
clue?
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Left high and dry by the one you love?
Take action and move on to the happiness you deserve.
Laugh
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The Single Man's Guide On What
To Do If Your Girlfriend Dumps You
It's a sad fact of life, but at some
point in your life you will get dumped by a girlfriend. And, no guy likes
to get dumped, especially by someone you cared for and loved. But, love is
a two-way street. Both parties have to love and nurture a relationship to
keep it alive. It's no good to be involved in a one-way relationship with
a woman that you love and she does not love you back.
The Truth
Behind Divorce & Breakups
Been in a bad relationship? Been cheated on? Been dumped? Don't let it
ruin you. Get help today.
What
to do When You Get Dumped
Break-ups in relationships are never
easy and it's worse when you are the one who gets dumped.
Got a Girlfriend? Here's How Not to
Screw It Up
Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous
thing. We become too dependent on our woman for our happiness, and then if
we get dumped, we find that we've all of a sudden lost our confidence. This
results in being without sex for many months, until we finally get a girlfriend
again, and... the cycle repeats. So to break this cycle, we need to REMAIN
the attractive guy, the alpha male. This article explains how.
3
Reasons Why Inner Game Will Help Your Love Life
Before deciding to get my `mental house`
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a mess. A gorgeous, intelligent girl just dumped me, and I even considered
finding any `ole` girl, even if below my standards, and getting married just
dumped me. After all the family had pressuring me anyway. Then I got realistic
and began researching to find out where I went wrong and why I felt so low
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Being
Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!
"Being Dumped" really is one of the
worst experiences, short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our
lives. They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live with,
than a break-up , "Being Dumped" or rejection.
How
to Ease the Pain of a Breakup
Whether you do the dumping or you are the one who got dumped, breakups
are painful. If you initiated the breakup you may feel guilty, or question
that you made the right decision. If you were the one who got dumped you
may feel shocked, hurt, and angry. Breakups are painful for either
party.
How
To Make Hooking Up With Your "Ex" More Thrilling Than It Ever Was
Before!
Now I really have seen everything...
The other day, I saw a television show with a very curious premise: They
found a good-old Southern boy who was such a charmer, 6 of his ex-girlfriends
(some, who had been flat-out "dumped" by him) were willing to line themselves
up in front of a camera for 120 minutes, and go through various and sundry
interviews, to see whether or not they could pass muster with him, the second
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This simple formula will tell you if
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once he's satisfied his curiosity.
Breaking Relationships with
Women
It is a sad fact of life, but there
will be times when you have to end a relationship. You have to make some
tough choices in life and this is one of them. It's hard to dump someone.
Personally, I'd rather have a root canal.
How
to Dump Your Girlfriend
This week I want to talk about dumping
your girlfriend. Unfortunately a lot of relationships just don't work out.
And if you find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere, it is best
to end it as quickly as possible. If you are convinced that you have lost
all your feelings for her, whatever you do, don't lead her own and stay in
the relationship just to have someone to be with or for sex.
How
to Decide When to End a Long-term Relationship
Relationships are among of the most
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marriage. Your relationships can elevate you to new heights or drag you down
into the dumps. But what if you’re somewhere in the middle?
8
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Unfortunately there is no magic formula
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Here's how...
Dumped? Get
Set for a New Life
We've all either been the dumper or
dumpee at some point in our life. The following article will help you mend
yourself and move forward as a better more desirable person.
How I
Got Dumped Via AIM
Larry King once asked Stephen Hawkin
if there was anything about the universe he didn't understand. Hawkin replied
"women". That little anecdote seems to be the foundation of all my relationships
(or lack there of). |
